By the nature of the conversation format, there was less of a unified narrative in this offering than with a traditional Dharma talk. However, there were some distinct themes. Sylvia describes herself first as a “wife, mother, and grandmother”, and much of the talk comes from a perspective of parenting.
The most prominent parenting theme was teaching by example. Children learn from our actions. Sylvia emphasized the importance of “kindness”, but when asked if she discussed kindness with her children, she said she did not. She said that what we respond to, what we nurture, is what grows within the child. Similarly, Sylvia touched on “fairness” and how we often emphasize to children that they should be “fair”. And yet, when the children go out into the world, they encounter unfairness. Sylvia’s response is to demonstrate through action how to deal with unfairness, and she describes both social activism and voting as spiritual practices.
While parenting was a key theme of the conversation, an even more important topic was understanding the workings of one’s own mind and how to manage it. This is central to Buddhist teachings, and starts with the distinction between pain and suffering. Pain, both physical and mental, happens. Even advanced spiritual practice doesn’t bring an end to it. But “suffering” is not a necessary component of pain.
As an example, Sylvia discussed how, even after extensive practice, she’s prone to worry. She views it as a genetic glitch, which helps her befriend her worries and not get as caught up in them. She referenced the Buddha’s teaching that people typically react to difficulties in one of five ways: fret, get angry, lose heart, feel guilty, or seek sensual soothing. It’s not a moral failing; it is how one’s mind works.
Regarding anger, Sylvia says that it can be useful in alerting us to issues that need our attention. However, we should take care not to nurture our anger. Instead, we should cultivate kindness, as what we nurture will grow. She sees anger as a response to fear; when we feel afraid, we often get angry. She urges us to try to recognize that in ourselves, to be aware when we’re afraid, and to consider how we can respond with kindness rather than anger.
Sylvia also highlighted the spiritual lessons we can learn from a GPS. When you take a wrong turn, the GPS just says, “recalculating” and comes up with the new best route, and it does this no matter how many wrong turns you make. Next time you take a wrong turn in life, instead of getting mad, try recalculating.
The conversation made clear that Sylvia has accumulated a lot of wisdom in her life and learned a lot about her own mind and habitual responses. We all have a lot to learn from her example. Scroll down to listen to the full recording.
From the Teacher: What We Nurture
Dharma Talk: What We Nurture
What We Nurture — with Sylvia Boorstein *To support Sylvia Boorstein and her sangha, Spirit Rock, visit: www.spiritrock.org/donate
* Sylvia Boorstein , PhD, has been teaching Dharma and mindfulness meditation since 1985. She is a founding Spirit Rock teacher, a psychologist, mother, grandmother, and great grandmother. She is particularly interested in emphasizing daily life as mindfulness practice and including informed citizenship and social activism as integral to spiritual maturation. Her books include: It’s Easier Than You Think: The Buddhist Way to Happiness; Don’t Just Do Something, Sit There: A Mindfulness Retreat; That’s Funny, You Don’t Look Buddhist: On Being a Faithful Jew and a Passionate Buddhist; Pay Attention for Goodness’ Sake: The Buddhist Path of Kindness and Happiness Is an Inside Job: Practicing for a Joyful Life.
